How to manage expectations to achieve greater happiness
Expectations can make or break an experience. How are your expectations shaping you?
Expectations are strong beliefs that something should be a certain way. We all have expectations of what we think our life, work, friends, partner, self should be. Things like, I should earn ‘X’ or I’m expected to be ‘Y.’ Being in tune with our expectations helps us learn more about ourselves and is an important part of the journey from surviving to thriving. Here’s what happened when I realised how my expectations were shaping me, and what I did about it.
Have you ever celebrated a special occasion (like an anniversary or birthday) and had hopes about what the day would be like, then when the day arrives it doesn’t quite meet up to your expectations (or is completely different from your expectations) and so you feel disappointed? I’ve felt like this a number of times in the past, when visiting new places or celebrating special events. This is because the expectations we have are often shaped by unrealistic versions of reality based on what you see in the media, movies and social media. Here’s the thing, the illusion of perfection sells, so if the reality doesn’t meet expectations, its often curated to attract attention, so basing our expectations of something on what the media says will ultimately lead to disappointment. If you want to achieve greater happiness step away from setting expectations based on things that aren’t real and make sure any expectations you have are grounded in truth.
Expectations don’t always come from the media (or society), they can come from ourselves or from the people around us. I learnt this in my mid-20’s when I realised the hold my expectations were having on my life during my first coaching session. My coach kept asking me to think about the reason why I was staying in a place that was making me miserable. Why I was ignoring my own wants and needs when they were so clearly being presented to me and choosing misery instead. And I kept coming back to the same answer “because it’s what’s expected of me.” I realised I was keeping myself stuck because I had created this image of who I should be based on expectations built from my friends and family and what I had been taught a “good, successful person” should be/do. I let these expectations control every action and decision I made choosing to live only in a way that aligned with these expectations and therefore was approved by my friends and family, even if it made me miserable. I let my expectations control me. This realisation was life changing and triggered the start of my journey from surviving to thriving.
When I realised I was living my life based on other people’s expectations I made a plan. A plan to figure out who I actually was, not who I was pretending to be for other people. A plan to create a life that I loved, rather than a life that was approved by the people around me. And bit by bit I did just that.
Stepping away from other people’s expectations can be challenging and you might find you end up doing things that your friends and family don’t support (I know I did). But once they see how happy and successful you are when you live in alignment with yourself, stepping away from the restrictions caused by expectations, they’ll come around. You’ll also start to embrace experiences for exactly what they are, rather than putting added pressure onto celebrations or events by setting unrealistic expectations.
Stripping away your expectations allows you to be present and enjoy things exactly how they are, flaws and all. Your memories become more beautiful, your relationships more valued and your life more fulfilled. So if you want to achieve greater happiness, firstly learn how your expectations shape you and then make a plan to break-free from any that are stopping you from thriving and living with an abundance of happiness, life and work satisfaction.
