This is how your beliefs shape your life
Our beliefs have the power to make or break us. Here’s how.
Beliefs are usually statements. For example: I am lucky, I am likeable, I am intelligent, I am stupid, I am unlovable etc. Our core beliefs are the assumptions we make about ourselves and our place in the world. They are formed during childhood and by the age of 7 they form the foundation of our personality. They influence our thoughts and interpretations of the world. As a teenager our thoughts, experiences and surroundings contribute to the evidence which reinforces our belief system. By the time we hit our mid-20’s our beliefs are cemented into our personality. After this point it takes a lot of effort to change a core belief if it isn’t helpful, but it is possible to do through determination and re-framing exercises.
How many times a day do you say something negative to yourself about yourself? What impact does this have? Behavioural scientists and child psychologists generally accept that children under 5 receive 10 or more negative phrases from their parents for every 1 positive. Whether perceived or actual, the comment holds the same power. These then contribute to our belief system which, as an adult, significantly influences the way we see the world and as a result we end up saying these negative things to ourselves instead of hearing it from our parents. Negative beliefs create fear, a lack of confidence and reduced self-belief. If you’re not taking action towards a goal you really want, it’s probably because a belief is holding you back.
The strength of the belief will depend upon how often it has been said, thought or proven to be right. The beliefs that hold the most power have the most control over how we see the world and the experiences we have. Unfortunately, for most of us these beliefs are negative and lead us to see the world through tinted lenses. As a result, we can often wonder up a fantasy ladder, believing something to be true rather than only true to us. Next time you feel yourself wearing tinted glasses pause and ask yourself what the facts are, rather than what your opinion or assumption is about what just happened. You’ll find that you see things differently when sticking to just the facts and asking questions to figure out the rest.
In Cognitive Behaviour Therapy we teach clients who suffer from cognitive distortions (inaccurate thoughts our minds have convinced us are true) to dig deep into their beliefs in order to assess whether they are true. This leads to the client often wanting to re-frame their belief into something more representative of the reality. For example, a client might use an over generalization where they state “I’m always wrong.” By supporting the client to look deeper into this they might realise that actually there is evidence to support that there have been times where they’ve been right. This realisation alone reduces the power the belief holds over the client. A further re-framing exercise also supports the client to tackle the belief each time it presents itself by reciting the re-framed belief as a way to remind themselves of what is actually true. E.g.: “I’m not always wrong, there are times when I have been right too.” Try it yourself! Identify an unhelpful belief you hold, find evidence for and against it and then re-frame it into something more useful. It makes a huge difference!
Taking the time to understand our beliefs and how they impact who we are, what we think, how we behave and how we see the world is a key part of any personal development journey. Once you have this awareness you can decide which beliefs you want to keep and which you want to re-frame or dig deeper into. Then, step by step you can start to re-shape your world into a positive, exciting, engaging place full of opportunity and adventure….or whatever it is you want it to be.
This is a great exercise to do individually or with team members, especially if they are lacking confidence or you hear their beliefs impacting their ability to do their job.
